A blog post like this surely happened many times before. And numerous people will find it annoying, irritating and will ask themselves why the hell do I even bother posting it. I would be the first one.
Doesn’t matter. I feel like having to type this off somewhere, and why not save this for reading later on.
Once again, a time has come when I feel terrible and awful. A time has come when I’m feeling totally down, depressed and oppressed. Numerous beliefs I hold are being questioned, scrutinized, and I’m doubting them.
The need for mathematics. I had a firm belief that in my line of work, I won’t encounter it a lot. But I’m being continously convinced, with increasing quality of argument that this is not so. That computer graphics indeed needs a lot of mathematics. Worst of all, I’m coming to such a realization; and what is moving recently is the line of where the need begins. Lately, it has come dangerously close to “all I was ever taught”. It’s still not that way, but hey, that’s precisely why I’m having these doubts.
If it turns out I’m wrong about this, what else?
It might be, for example, about quality of Microsoft’s technologies. Previously, I was holding strong opinions against Vista. And .Net. And I had several experiences to hold on to. Today, I’ve talked to an acquaintance of mine, and he told me that his experiences during a month of using Vista were pretty good. Same for .Net framework.
Linux, on the other hand, seems to withstand all my torture, including being 98% full on all EXT3 partitions almost all the time, but apparently not without consequences. Same with installing a large amount of packages. There’s a price for everything. So after one and a half year of active use of GNU/Linux, I’m actually beginning to think that Windows might not be that awful as in what I accepted as my dogma.
Primary reason why the nearby future is still penguin-shaped for me is morals. Although Microsoft offers free Visual Studio and Windows to students on FER, that’s actually one of the reasons why I consider it an immoral company, and do not wish to provide it with another user — myself. Microsoft does not deserve anyone else.
That got me thinking, however. Am I letting such trivial philosophical questions get in the way of my productivity, profits and in the end, career?
Finally, the main reason why I’m actually torn by these two questions is very practical. Finishing second year on FER, I’m on a crossroads. Choose maths or choose Microsoft. Because that’s what they offer; either be annoyed with C# for a few years, or be annoyed with maths. I don’t like either, and I have to choose between those.
There’s no way I’ll ever like maths, so I probably won’t go in those directions. What I fear is that I might start to like Microsoft after being brainwashed.
Depressive: the system around you forces you into submission to Microsoft whether you like it or not. As the acquaintance I mentioned said, the only way to survive without drowning will be: “Go with the flow.” I don’t want that.
Sad is a world where the greatest monopoly in the world, greatest tyrant and greatest brainwasher is succeeding, and in fact, anyone who wishes to oppose it must be very careful and determined. Do I have what it takes to take on Microsoft’s brainwashing?
I may be a lone soul and everyone including me considers me expendable, subaverage and unneeded; it just depends whether they say it or not. But this war is waged for every soul, like any brainwashing battle. Because only through purity of totalitarian mind control can the monopolist achieve it’s ultimate goal, the ultimate monopoly.
And that is, ladies and gentlemen what Microsoft is all about ever since it was founded. Sadly, it found its tactic in the last eighteen years. Fear, uncertainty, doubt, embrace, extend, extinguish. Sometimes even reverse embrace (see Mono and Moonlight; a dark Mono-polistic future, where not Moon will provide Light; a vile tactic to be able to claim Linux support while in fact undermining it by being incompatible in the future and closing the openness deal).
And if all these arguments are successfully battled by the simple fact that Microsoft might be making good technology, well then, it seems that it’s really something good. (Yet I won’t forget the time Vista took on one machine to open network configuration dialogue, and three lost days before I figured that Compact .Net Framework 2.0 without SP1 had a broken serial port support. Awful.)